On this day, 34 years ago, my daughter Rebecca was born. I was so happy. She seemed to be perfect in every way. Light fuzzy reddish blond hair, all fingers and toes, and lungs that were strong enough to wake every baby in the nursery. She was a hefty 8 lbs and 21 inches long. I had to have a planned c-section because I really wasn't supposed to have children. But, that is another story for another time.
At the time Becca was born, my ex and I lived in England. (He was in the Air Force) I had just turned 19 the month before. Looking back, I was way too young, but I really wanted a baby. I came back stateside to have her about a month and a half before my due date. I really didn't trust the doctors on the base to do what had to be done. It seemed like none of them wanted to listen to me and they were determined that I have her natural. It would have killed me and maybe the baby. So, back home I went. We returned to England 3 months later.
Becca was not a normal child. She slept all the time. I would have to wake her up just so she would eat. She didn't start crawling until she was almost a year old. No matter what I told the base pediatricians, they would tell me she would be ok. Becca finally started walking when she was almost 2. By then, we were on our way to the states. She was my precious girl and I protected and loved her so much. Her dad and I were divorced right after she turned two and a few months later I met her step-dad.
Becca did drown when she was three. We don't know exactly how long she was in the pond, but, we looked for her for an hour. The Sheriff's Dept was on their way when we found her. She was revived by her step-dad while we were on the way to the hospital. I was so scared for her. I thought I had lost her. It was awful.
After the drowning, I became pregnant with her brother. Jase just loved his big sis. By this time, Becca was in Kindergarten. She hated it. She couldn't seem to catch on to reading and the things the teacher taught her, she seemed to get backwards all the time.
Things went on and on. I had taken her to Doctors, Psychologists, Psychiatrists and the whole nine yards. All I ever got told was I had to be a bad mother.
Finally, when Becca was 11, I couldn't do anymore. She was out of control, calling CPS and threatening all kinds of things. She was just having such a hard time in school and no one seemed to know what to do. Finally, I called her Dad and told him I needed help with her. He hadn't seen her since we were divorced and he thought I just had to be doing something wrong. Her Dad took her to live with him and his wife. Becca really upset their household. Her Dad finally had her hospitalized in a Pedi-Neuro Unit for testing.
Poor Becca. She was so confused. We found out she had Autism. They were just starting to diagnose Autism, so I knew nothing about this kind of thing. I think he tried to help her the best he could, but she ended up living with my sister for a while. Then, when she was 16 (she had already returned to her dad) she ran away.
I did not hear from Becca till she was 20. She was grown up with a husband. And, she was still as unpredictable. She just left Sam six months later and she disappeared.
She contacted me again when she was 22 or 23. She had gotten mixed up with some really big druggies. She ended up pregnant and homeless. I let them come live with us until I couldn't stand it anymore. The drugs were relentless, the Satan worship was relentless and I couldn't get through to her or her boyfriend. Finally I had enough and sent him packing. She chose to leave with him. I couldn't force her to stay. My hands were tied.
I let her go. She had a daughter in December of that year. Her name is Morgan Ileane. I have never seen her. She is 11 now. I think Becca gave her up or sold her.
We did find Becca about 5 or 6 years ago, living on the streets of Dallas, strung out on drugs and no sign of Morgan. Everyday I think of both of them. I pray for them and love them very much. My hope is that Becca found someone to take Morgan, to give her the love that I can't. My other hope is that Becca is clean and she knows that no matter what, Mom will always love her and have hopes for the little child lost.....
No comments:
Post a Comment